This bird symbolises my life when im with my dad. and im afraid of living this life forever.

..my grandpa..

Name : Abu samah bin Hussein

Age : 86 – 87 years old

Status : Married (second marriage, my grandma’s dead)

Job : Retiree

He stays alone. He has a car. He has a big compound. He has a nice, cosy house. But..... He has “no one”.

Condition :

Let me share this with you. Today, as i was looking at my grandpa, i feel scared. What if i end up not marrying anyone? What if i get to have a happy marriage but then my wife dies early? It came to me all of a sudden n it scares me oh so much. What if i wont have children. Who will be there to look after me? Who will be there to visit me every once in a while? It came in a rush that i’m afraid of getting old. I just turned 22 last april, but i think, time is running so fast and i wish i could stop it for a while to enjoy life. He always tells me how much he misses my grandma although he’s married to a younger politician wife. But his love towards my grandma never fades. He always asked me to stay a bit longer but i guess i couldn’t, not that i don’t want to, but i don’t know, i just couldn’t. Yeah, probably, that’s just my reasons. But the fact that my dad is be the one who should be looking after him. Not me. Im not trying to be mean here, but i’m not that close to him. I love him as a person, but there r times when he tells me a lot about my cousin. “he’s (my cousin) kind, he’s good, he’s clever” and im not his favourite. So why don’t you ask ur favourite grandson to look after you. *sighs*

You know, when we were little, we asked our dad to take us to atuk’s house every school holiday. He was too busy to even notice that he had actually made the relationship between my sisters n i with my grandpa was drifting apart. As we grew older, he expected us to be close to atuk? The last time i remember, he didn’t want to balik kampong. For God’s sake, stop putting blame on us. Now that we’re taking sides, i mean we’re closer to tok mi, he’s just jealous. Gosh i just hate this feeling.Im sorry atuk, i wish, we could’ve a better relationship. I love you atuk.