Thursday, December 25, 2008

Apabila dan Mengapa.. Dimana Jawapannya?

Apabila diri sunyi,
Mengapa bukan teman yg diajak menemani?

Apabila merindui seseorang,
Mengapa tidak terfikir pejuang2 di medan perang?

Apabila amarah menguasai diri,
Mengapa tidak mengawal diri?

Apabila aku berfikir,
Mengapa negative yang mampir,

Apabila kawan datang dan pergi,
Mengapa aku harus bersedih hati?

Apabila langit mendung,
Mengapa berbekalkan payung?

Apabila merasa diri sangat hina,
Mengapa berfikir diriku yang selalu kena?

Apabila lewat seminit,
Mengapa sangat perit?

Apabila hidup bagaikan tidak bererti,
Mengapa bukan Tuhan yg didekati?

Kerana diriku hanyalah insan yg lemah dan jadian Tuhan yg sempurna luarannya, tapi tidak sempurna keseluruhannya

Monday, December 22, 2008

happiness? i guess so..

18th of december 2008..
aku bangun2, dan2 tu la takde internet.. n i waited d whole day, still tak dpt check internet..
how scary, when i left the house, kak na told me tetiba je ckp ade internet..
maybe nak kasi surprise betul2 ni...
so i called fateen to check my result, n i was quite impressed.. for the first time in my life, i mean, for the fucking 3 years i've been in malacca, tis is the 1st time dpt 3 pointer..
3.29.. hehehe, what an achievement huh? in a way, im proud of myself but half of me says i could get more than that..
i texted mama, daddy, kakak2 n mummy telling about my result.. they r so proud of me..
hahaha, so i went out to celebrate with my beloved friends..
ended up sleeping at zz's place..
watched hindustan for 4 fucking hours.. hahaha.. bodoh zz gi tido..
i started to feel the ''galau'' because im leaving in a few days time...
21st of december, i was told i'll get 1k n i thought i could persuade my stepmom to add another few k's to get a new laptop.. how sad, she refused to help..
maybe betul la kot she doesnt have money to help at the moment.
but i worked my ass off to get a new laptop n i struggled like hell when i was in malacca.
why cant they c my effort? i just want a new laptop so that i wont have to use some one else's laptop. im just so sick knowing the fact that i have to pinjam laptop from someone n someday, that person might want to use it n there goes the unfinish assignment..
am i being needy? tak kan? its for my studies.. not that i asked for a car as a matter of fact, i should get one.. im d only son, what do u expect. orang slalu ckp anak lelaki ni habiskan harta mak bapak, but i dont c where its coming from.
on the other side of the story, im just not sure whether they're proud of me or not.
as much as i want them to be proud of me, i know that nothing is enough for them.
thanks to kak long for making the effort n sees the values in me. she sees things in me that i think only she can see.. thanks k.long..
oh btw, tok mi is here n i was so happy when she said "im gonna make u ur favourite temosa"
havent had that for years.. me misses temosa gila babs sial..
hahahaha.. makan byk gila sampai sakit perut...
anyway, i dont want to complain much n i dont want to keep hoping.. i guess i have to get the laptop with my own effort.. n u know what they say kan? if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, so its not easy to get everything u ever wanted.. enuff for today i guess..

Thursday, December 18, 2008

uitm oh uitm

Waited since last night to check my result..
i was in front of this laptop at 12 sharp, it says that after what meeting ntah..
it kept me waiting n checked for d last time at 5..
was too sleepy to wait so i decided to sleep.
Woke up at 10 a.m just now and mama was shocked to see that i was awake at this hour.
hahaha... opened the student portal n still no result..
f*ck la uitm, n the best part is, it is postponed to 18th of december, which is now..
at 12.30 a.m, i checked again n it says, after meeting senat lah ape lah..
stupid right? buat aku nervous je.. dayumn..
i really hope i could score this semester.. that's wat i've been praying since d day i left melaka..
up to now, im still hoping.
somehow i wish i can be the best among the best, but i know that in a way, i wont be one.
its not that im being low self esteem or wat, but d way that i know of..
*sighs* things have changed a lot lately, i no longer feel enjoy with nightlife although sometimes i really want to go, but knowing that in the end, i wud feel ''wat is this? where's d fun? why d drama?'' im just so sick of it..
hurmm.. back to uitm, a week left n im off to malacca, no matter what they'll say, i'm gonna do my best next semester..
that's my self pledged..
pray for me everyoneeee....

Saturday, December 6, 2008

moments in life

For some reasons, life is a tough task given to u..
Life is hard.. With or without money..
With or without love..
But i'm thankful that in a way, i get to feel what life is all about.
The beauty, the joy, the pain and the obstacles.I may be young but i learnt a lot in life.At the age of four...At the age of not knowing anything.... a kid should've a great childhood moments but i didnt get the chance to feel that. That was my pain moment...I was craving for mother's love and attention...I was lack of communication with people that i loved...Dad wasnt at home most of the time..I was raised by a maid who was abusive... physically n emotionally.My life starts at the age of 11.... That was my rebellious moment..I started smoking and i started doing other stupid stuff which i think shouldnt be written here But at that particular time, I was too busy to even notice that probably i've chosen the wrong path in my life. That was my lost moment...At the age of 14, i was forced to move to a cowboy town.. Muar Johore, a place i will cherish for eternity but hated the thought of my first step there. I had a beautiful life in Kuantan but my father ruined it all.. That was my hatred moment... I started to live a normal life there until i found few of true friends that was always there when i needed someone the most. Yes, we had arguments, quarrels and all... but FRIENDS.. how can u befriend with someone who smiles all the time? Dont you think they're faking it? That was my learning moment.. Learning to be someone who ppl will look up to. But i ended up being a trash at the age of 16.Discovered some shits about my life. A stain that will never go away. A stain that will always be in my life. That was it. That was my down moment.. I moved on and started a new life at the age of 18. Reunite again with my beloved friends from Kuantan, Misha, Zz, Eim, Syasya, Gemok, Ab, and few others (sorry if i didnt mention ur names). That was "the moment when i thought life is perfect".. Had fun everyday, and fun night life although my family is not in a stable condition. Along the way to a perfect life (i thought), met few other people.. Cia, Carliff,Aiman, Siti Hafiz, Ili, Shan, and few other people... they light up my dark days when zz n misha went different ways to pursue their studies. I was jobless, pocketless and homeless. Mama was in Jakarta struggling to find money for us in Malaysia. Sadly, things didnt turn out as we expected. That was my unlucky moment. I got into Uitm Malacca and couldnt accept the fact that i had to say goodbye again to those few people who i really care about because i know things will be different when im no longer with them. Yes, what i thought was right. We went different ways. A year later, I was in second semester, I met few people who i called FRIENDS because i really thought they deserve to carry the name. Fork, Madeng, Pejan, Malin, Segat.... semester by semester, new comers came along the way.. Gatut, Nani, Buffle... You know what? That was my happiest moment... They didnt shower me with money, they didnt spoil me with buying expensive gifts, but they taught me what life is all about. one of them even cried because of me wanting me to change and i really appreciate someone who cried for me. That really shows something. Along the way with my college FRIENDS, i never neglected my other half who happened to be Zz, Misha, Farra Bj, Farah, K.Diera, Eim, Syasya, and not to forget, Mama, K.Long, K.Na, K.Tutty and Rina Avisha.. Tok Mi too..I know i spent more times with college friends, but i wanted to learn stuff in college which cannot be learnt with u guys in K.L.. im really sorry.Now at the age of 21 (2008).. I just knew i still have something missing in my life. Life seems to be unperfect and life seems to be dull still... This is my confused moment... I dont know what I'm looking for in life. I must be lying if i say i dont know anything about what i want in my life, but to be exact, there are pieces that are still missing and hoping that someone, or situation, or moments would fill the pieces in me... This is my never-ending story... This is a story of my life. not the entire but half of the moments i wont forget...